the aberration extras

master beef vs. master chief 2004

Covenant forces are attacking Earth, and another Halo ring has come into play. There are new weapons, new vehicles, destructible environments, outstanding multiplayer battles, improved AI...and, of course, the return of the greatest hero in the Universe...the Master Chief.

'Huh, what a clown,' said Master Beef, staring disgustedly at the Halo 2 poster in the shop window.

'Hey, don't diss the MC, shithead!'

Beef turned to see a mousy-haired twelve year old kid standing near him with clenched fists and an amusingly defiant expression. 'Why good day to you, young ragamuffin.'

'I am not a muffin!' objected the kid. 'And Halo is the best creation intheworldever, for your information! It's way cool. And Halo 2's gonna be even better. There are new weapons, new vehicles, destr--'

From the recesses of nowhere, Beef pulled out a pointing stick. It struck the glass protecting Master Chief's green-plated chest hard. 'Here we have probably the most impractical hero ever conceived. Note the bulky armour.' The tip of the pointing stick vaguely circled the poster. 'It's like running a marathon in a ridiculously flashy rhino costume, but worse. You want something light and protective yet subtly fashionable.'

'But--'

'Yes, yes, I know. He can now wield two weapons at once. What, so it took Master Clown here three whole years to figure that out? I can hold three, if I grip them right.'

'But--'

'And this whole energy sword thing? Trust him to need a weapon like that. I could kill you with a pencil.'

'But--'

'And this whole Mystery Man shenanigans...Personally, I think it's a cop-out. The creators were just too bloody lazy to think up of a proper name for him, or give him a history.'

'Actually--'

'You want a hero who you can relate to. Someone you'd feel comfortable to be around. None of this Man of Few Words, low macho voice business. It is, quite frankly, pathetic.'

'You know nothing!' the kid managed. 'You're just a stupid idiot rabbit guy who nobody likes. Why don't you just--'

Beef mêlée'd him with his pointing stick, and he flopped to the ground with a sigh. That'd always be the best trick in the game.