the ramble dump

SCENE 1. EXT. STREET - DAY.


A POSTMAN walks down the left side of the street, which is lined with aging terrace houses. The sky above is white and wintery. The postman carries a box in his hands. He stops outside one of the houses, where a black Mini Cooper is parked, pushes open the gate, walks up to the house and attempts to cram the box through the letterbox, even though it obviously won't fit. After several attempts at this, he decides to leave it on the steps.


SCENE 2. INT. HALLWAY.

WOMAN'S VOICE (somewhere off-screen):
Charlie, I think someone's at the door! Could you answer it, please?

A student-aged boy makes his way down the stairs. He pulls open the door, notices the slightly battered box, looks up and down the street but sees no one, and bends down to pick it up. It feels quite heavy, and has holes punched along the top. CHARLIE is written in marker on the front. He places it to his ear. It issues an irritated growl. He almost drops it.

WOMAN'S VOICE:
Who is it, Charlie?

CHARLIE:
Er...no one.


SCENE 3. INT. KITCHEN.

He carries it through to the kitchen, where a middle-aged woman wearing a dressing gown and shower cap is standing, preparing a fry-up. He places the box on the table, sitting himself down, and staring dumbly at it, contemplating whether or not it's safe to open.

The woman, Charlie's mother, scoops the eggs and bacon onto a plate and places it on the table by Charlie, pushing the box out of the way.

CHARLIE'S MUM:
Happy birthday, love. What's in the box?

CHARLIE:
I don't know.

CHARLIE'S MUM:
Well, can you take it off the table, please? It's manky.


SCENE 4. INT. CHARLIE'S ROOM.

The room is filled with clutter and old posters. Charlie is sat on the bed, the box sat at the opposite end. He's still staring at it, a slight frown on his face.

Not taking his eyes off it, he picks up his mobile phone, manages to select the right number and waits while it rings.

CHARLIE:
Hi John, it's Charlie. Did you send me this box?


SCENE 5. INT. CHARLIE'S ROOM.

JOHN:
Manky. Think someone sent it as a joke?

CHARLIE:
That's why I don't want to open it. Could be anything.

JOHN:
And you said it growled?

Charlie nods.

JOHN:
But it hasn't made a noise since?

CHARLIE:
Nope.

Tentatively, John picks up the box and holds it to his ear. For a while he hears nothing. Then the box meows.

JOHN:
It's a bloody cat!

CHARLIE:
What?

JOHN:
A cat. Let's open it.

CHARLIE:
No! It could be one of them Schrödinger cats!

JOHN:
What?

CHARLIE:
The cat might die as soon as we open the box!

JOHN:
What are you on about? Why would it do that?

CHARLIE:
I dunno. Maybe it gets electrocuted, or has its insides sucked out. Or maybe Schrödinger cats explode in daylight.

JOHN:
And who'd send you a cat in a box that did that?

CHARLIE:
You get some real bastards out there.

There is a pause while John stares at Charlie in bemusement. Charlie then patiently begins to explain.

CHARLIE:
It's quantum physics. Right now, that cat is both alive and dead AT THE SAME TIME, until we open the box, when it will most certainly be dead due to one of the events I just described, because the POSSIBILITY of it being alive will collapse.

JOHN:
If there's one thing this world could do without, it's physics. Just open the box.

CHARLIE:
The cat will die.

JOHN:
This isn't a Schrödinger cat!

CHARLIE:
Then why is it that until the box is opened, we do not know if it is alive or dead?

JOHN:
Charlie, it meowed!

CHARLIE:
Or did it?!

JOHN:
Gah!

John, now well and truly exasperated, tears open the box. The cat inside is bedraggled and old looking, with patches of missing fur.

JOHN:
Ew, manky.

CHARLIE:
It's diseased! Throw it out the window!

John slides the window pane open, grabs the box and hurls it outside. There is a shriek from the cat, and then a thump as it hits the ground.

# posted by Chris @ 8:40 PM